What now?

It is entertaining to me that it took so long to realize and accept my role as an artist. But this leaves a big question of “Now what?” I know that in my previous posts I said the hardest part was accepting that I am an artist at heart. I feel like I am contradicting myself now. And it is okay to know that one’s previous stance is not the way they feel anymore. It is a sign of growth to acknowledge when you are wrong.

I have no idea what to do now. Part of me wants to join the Peace Corps because that is a life-long dream of mine but another part of me wants to find a position at a senior care facility. I mean, okay. Maybe I am being a little hard on myself by saying I am wrong. Perhaps the take away here is that life is hard in general and there is no deciphering which part is harder. In hindsight, accepting yourself does seem harder than making this decision.

Again, putting too much pressure on myself and the future, which is not promised to anyone. It is always a smart idea to have a plan in place, but it is not beneficial for mental health to put so much pressure on a decision that seems so far away. I mean, a year is not that long but it is long enough to sit on it and think some more about what would be the best option. What if there is not a “best option?” And that is okay too.

Being a starving artist has always been appealing to my needs in life (even before accepting my inner artist), but no one wants to literally starve to achieve their career goals. The question becomes “How do I support myself and create a sustainable future for when I am too old to work?” Again, I will point out that this puts a lot of pressure on something that is in an unforeseeable future. Like I said before, it is smart to have a plan but why are we counting eggs before we even have the chickens?

So, it seems to me the answer to the question “What now?” is to wait and see. Beautiful things are in the making for the next few months. Many projects are in the making, summer job to begin, and the gorgeous Colorado atmosphere to enjoy. It is best to jump in, ride the wave, and observe the changes I have been making for the potential future. Maybe the answer to the question is to be patient and enjoy each breath, in the moment.